God, at least I hope so.

Tomorrow I begin the 90 day weight loss challenge at my gym. I will admit that the biggest draw of the gym was the fact that they offer 2 hours per day of childcare included in your membership. I have three children. There are anywhere from 28-31 days in a month. That is a lot of me time, I have to tell you. And the membership fee (that includes access to the club, almost all the classes, and family hours in the pools and gymnasium) is like miniscule when you add in the child care. It’s like the equivalent cost of someone watching the three of them for a few hours one day. I kid you not.

Anyway. The 90 day weight loss challenge.

I am really fat.

It is not my genes, it is not my thyroid, it is not a serious mystery medical condition due for its own special on TLC. It is the fact that I don’t exercise and I eat my weight in Little Debbie.

So, when I joined and found out that within just a few weeks they were starting this weight loss challenge, I figured that I ought to go ahead and win it. I am the perfect storm of factors that put me in line for this particular crown. Like I said, I’m really fat, so I have a lot to lose and fat people tend to lose big chunks of it more quickly at first. I’ve lost weight successfully before (over 60lbs, kept it off a long time, though this is my highest weight by about 55lbs), and just before getting pregnant with baby girl, I completed the Couch to 5K program. I was fat then, too, and it gave me incredible amounts of confidence as well as the absolute knowledge that I can do it again.

Plus, they’ll take care of my kids for 2 hours every day. I will happily run on a treadmill and lift a bunch of weights and crunch my stomach off if somebody is watching my children and I can also use that time to think a complete thought and not wipe anyone else’s butt. Seriously.

Even though I am of course going to knock it out of the park and win the whole thing, I am still going to need motivation and to remember just exactly why I am doing this. So, here’s a list that I can go back to when I feel like crap and want to eat an entire cake.

1. I want to be strong. I remember when I was nearing the end of the C25K, I would see my arm moving to close the car door and just feel like that was the strongest arm ever. (And remember, I ran it on my legs, so who the heck knows why it translated to the arms, but it did!) I felt so good and so fit, and I was still about 75lbs overweight.

2. I have a daughter now. I know it’s important to model a healthy relationship with food and exercise to boys, but it seems just so much more urgent now that I have a baby girl. I do not want her to remember her mom as being morbidly obese. I do not want her to remember her mom being on a diet. I do not want her to see foods as guilty things or hidden things or things you gorge upon when sad or stressed or overwhelmed. I want her to see her mom make good choices, enjoy exercise, eat treats in moderation. I don’t want her to know that McDonalds is a restaurant that gives out toys.

3. I want the energy and clarity of mind to deal with my children in a peaceful and patient way. It’s hard to do that when you have barely any self-esteem and you’re fat and uncomfortable and exhausted. No amount of red velvet cake fixes this deficit. A strong body and a healthy mind (2 hours a day!) will go a long way toward helping me reach this goal.

In order to win, I need a big percentage of weight lost in this 90 days. In order to do that, I’m going to take advantage of the exercises available to me for 2 hours every day, and nix all the junk. I’m not going to go no carb or super low carb or any of the other “diets” that might jeopardize my milk supply for baby girl and my ability to run or crunch or lift. I’m going to feed my body good foods in appropriate quantities and work my ass off. After the 90 days, my goal is to taper into a nice 1-2lbs per week rate of loss until I hit my goal and then maintain. Because this initial 90 days is going to be incredibly difficult, I’m going to need some help. I’m going to need to talk about it. I’d love the accountability that comes with people knowing I’m doing this. It would be super fun to just suddenly turn up in 90 days like, “Oh, you think I’ve lost weight? I’ve just been popping over to the gym and eating a few less cupcakes, no big.” In reality, it is very big. This is big big big.

So tomorrow is my “before,” and they weigh me and measure me and send me forth into the gym with a written plan and the tools to set this thing in motion. What I do with it is all me. Care to join me in May for a victory lap?

Before: