I’m fairly certain I will ultimately be the mother of four boys. Call it mother’s intuition. If I’m wrong, in 6 years or so you can call it a load of bunk. We’ll see.

I also have five wienerdogs. I don’t know why, and that’s really an obscene number of dachshunds to live in one small house, but here we are and that’s just the way it is. I used to say that I liked wienerdogs by proxy, it’s really my husband with the obsession and I just come along for the ride. Really, though, I don’t think I’m allowed to say that anymore since he’s trained me to spot a wienerdog print at forty paces, an actual wienerdog at a hundred yards across a lake in a snowstorm.

So, when I saw this print at Hancock (M’liss – always holding those wiener puppies in the ads, you know) I bought some even though it’s pink and I am destined for boys. It’s lived here for awhile, and when my friend Debra showed me this blanket tutorial, I sort of had to put everything down and make it. Really, what good is a large-scale dachshunds-in-sweaters print with fashion words sprinkled throughout good for besides a blanket? Not much.

I followed the Made tutorial to the Aesthetic Nest tutorial and decided to go with flannel for the chenille because it sounded snugglier. Three yard and a quarters of flannel later and we were in business. The Aesthetic Nest tutorial mentioned an Olfa Chenille cutter, so I peeked in the quilting notions for one, and OUCH! They had it, but it was over $30. That was about 3x more than I was spending on fabric and notions in total, so that wasn’t going to work. I checked Joann’s and they didn’t have the Olfa, but they had the Clover Slash Cutter for around $15 and 50% off, so I said sure! It was heaps better and easier than snipping all of those lines with scissors – though I would second the recommendation to start the cut in each channel with your scissors – if you’re using the Clover tool, then by a full scissors length – so that you can get the cut started easily with all three fabrics and so that there’s enough space behind the cut to get a good hold on.

Because I am unable to just make something without deciding to do it my own overly complicated way, I decided that instead of just the regular bias channels, I would put a dachshund in the center. Originally, I thought about continuing the outer lines of the dachshund so that the quilting lines seemed to radiate from it, but then I regained my senses and realized that it may make the dachshund harder to see, and those lines wouldn’t necessarily be on the bias, so the fluff out wouldn’t happen. The other two tutorials have great directions, so I’ll show you where I deviate.

Once I had the fabrics spread out (I didn’t use any spray adhesive – flannel sticks together well – and who needs another step, especially one involving noxious fumes), I freehanded a non-artist’s approximation of a dachshund with tailor’s chalk.

I pinned in a few places just for the trip down to the sewing machine and followed the outline with a line of stitches. The flannel and my hands moving the fabric wanted to erase my lines, so I found myself re-tracing lines that had gotten faint while sewing so as not to lose my tentative hold on the closest approximation to a dachshund I could muster.

I then filled in the dachshund. I did this with the flannel side facing me rather than flipping it, because the circular nature of the channels made lumps on the topside while the bottom stayed even as opposed to when you stitch the straight lines being more able to keep the ugly on the bottom as in the other two tutorial instructions. At this point, all the pins were gone, because the layers weren’t really going anywhere anymore.

I then marked my bias line coming from the dog to start the straight line stitches.

…aaaaand lines stitched. I started from the center and worked out from the dog to the blanket edge. If you’re just making straight lines with no image in the center, this will be considerably faster and monumentally less of a pain, but oh, the things we do for wienerdogs in this house.

Then I snipped all the little channels and everything was groovy-Sue. I went with a satin binding because 1. I quilted a freaking wienerdog and there was no way I was making bias tape to bind it myself, and 2. None of the cotton pre-made quilt binding matched, but one of the satins did. I also did the full size binding rather than cutting and pressing and so forth as in Aesthetic Nest’s tutorial, though it looks lovely (for reasoning, see #1 above).

What can you do at this point but pray? And also wash and dry. You know, can’t rely on the heavens for everything. I stopped it early because I wanted to see it, so I know that it will fluff more, but I’m really happy with the results. I already have blankets for my boys in mind. All four of them.

One thing I would make sure and adjust in future – notice the darkness where the edges of the wienerdog are on the outside. The slash cutter has a little lip at the edge that ran up against the stitching line for the dachshund. I didn’t go back and clip with my scissors to get that further up, but I will, because I don’t like how it looks. If you’re just doing straight lines, you won’t have that issue, but if you do a pattern in the center, you may want to snip.

Now I just need someone who likes pink to cover up. And no, I will not be letting the wienerdogs use it.

Yesterday, I was very happy with USA Today. Until I actually saw the pictures in the paper in front of me, I firmly believed that they would change their mind. When the photographer knocked on my door, I was wearing Halston in our red silk Eesti sling knowing that I could claim it was to support safe babywearing when so much of it is under fire after the Infantino recall. The idea of hiding my mama spread behind a gorgeous silk-swathed baby may or may not have also been a factor in that decision.

When she told me that her assignment sheet asked for me to be feeding the baby while my older son played nearby, I asked if she was sure that’s what she wanted, as he is exclusively breastfed. Even when he did receive donor milk in his first week of life, we used a Supplemental Nursing System instead of bottles. As a donor, the milk I pump goes to the bank and not into my own little one, and he’s only five months, so our two available feeding options were lefty and righty. She asked if I could nurse him in the sling, and while being a devoted wearer of babies, I have never been a sling-nursing ninja. I agreed to give it a go. We loosened the sling, I cuddled him in, and he nursed. She photographed us with such thoughtful care that I wasn’t surprised to find out that she also photographs births, including home births.

Every single picture she took of us except for one or two, we were nursing. (The teaser picture on the cover of the Life section we were in showed one of the others – Halston, still slung, had popped off to look at me and sucked his fingers instead.) I didn’t produce an elaborately patterned covering contraption (never had one), there was no meticulous arranging of a receiving blanket over his head, I was not in the dark or soft focus. Like any other day, Wiley jumped on the ottoman, looked out the window, rode the broom like a horse, and kissed the baby upon request. When she left, I thought it was a wonderful experience, but one that would never see the light of day. I was sure that they’d find some nice milk recipient to photograph that used bottles like any respectable newspaper story subject.

The story ran yesterday with two images – one online and one in print – both with me nursing Halston in my red Eesti sling. The online caption said I was “feeding” him, but the print caption was specifically edited to say “breast-feeding.” Way to prove me wrong, USA Today! Strangely, on the same day, an immature employee of Paul Frank in LA decided to use their Twitter account to shame a nursing mom shopping in their store. They deleted quickly and issued a pathetic, half-hearted apology – one that no parent would accept from their child (I’m sorry I got caught, not I’m sorry I did wrong). I wonder if she was a new mom, not versed in latching and having a difficult time. Did she finally figure it out in a way that allowed her to keep browsing with a happy, contented baby at her breast? Did it make her feel empowered that she didn’t need to be closeted in her car or stay home all day? Or was it a mom of an older, distractable child? Some curious little sprite who needs to nurse, but finds everything in the world so fascinating that it must be looked at? Did she go home yesterday to read about herself on Twitter and feel herself flush that these people who pretended to be so nice to her for her shopping dollar were thinking and publicly stating such hateful things?

Actually, Paul, it is okay. According to California law, “Notwithstanding any other provision of law, a mother may breastfeed her child in any location, public or private, except the private home or residence of another, where the mother and the child are otherwise authorized to be present.” I’m appalled that you allow infantile employees with little or no training in appropriate communication skills to be the voice of your company. Who’s the boob now?

Breastfeeding in public looks like this:

Image by Shauna Intelisano (www.shaunaintelisano.com)

If you squint, you can see a sliver of breast. Are you scandalized?

So why does this matter? “You didn’t actually do anything, you just lactated.” True. But maybe if more moms just lactate and more moms just lactate in public and more moms just lactate in public without wearing a brightly colored tent, then more people will see it and see it as normal. Maybe then the employees at Paul Frank won’t get their monkey-printed panties in a wad over a mom feeding her child. Maybe someone who thought there was no other way to breastfeed in public but to wear a muumuu or be obscene will see the USA Today and do a double-take at the caption. “She’s breastfeeding him? It looks like she’s just holding him!” One boob at a time, we can change the world! Apparently, though, the boob who works at Paul Frank didn’t get yesterday’s news.

(red velvet donut; neither digested crayon nor placenta ;))

In honor of some world change and my inaugural post, I’m giving a way a brand spanking new copy of  The Nursing Mother’s Companion Beware. You can see a smidge of the cartoon mother’s breast on the cover.

You can enter by commenting here, following me on twitter, tweeting, or blogging about this entry. (Leave separate comments to let me know you did that!) Since there are all of three people reading this, one of whom is my mom, your chances of winning are excellent! Random.org will choose a winner in 1 week!

As I type this, Halston, wholly unchanged by his fame, is attempting to latch on to my cheek while making Pterodactyl sounds. I’d better go nurse him.

Congratulations to Maggie! Winner of The Nursing Mother’s Companion!

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Timestamp: 2010-04-17 03:14:42 UTC